{"id":4489,"date":"2009-09-27T16:18:24","date_gmt":"2009-09-27T21:18:24","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.regrettablesincerity.com\/?p=4489"},"modified":"2009-09-29T00:02:35","modified_gmt":"2009-09-29T05:02:35","slug":"quid-ho-mo-undercover-with-the-ex-gays-part-i","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/regrettablesincerity.com\/?p=4489","title":{"rendered":"Quit Ho Mo: Undercover with the ex-gays: Part I"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"exgay-lonely\"<\/a>This is the first installment in a two-part series on Christian reorientation therapy. The second installment can be read here<\/span><\/a>. The first part appeared in Outlook Weekly in June of 2008, the second part ran in September of 2008. There’s also a radio interview I did<\/em><\/strong> with the editors of Outlook<\/em><\/strong>, since the second, longer piece was a cover article for Outlook Weekly. That can be listened to here<\/span><\/a>.
\n<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

There\u2019s a very funny sketch from the TV show The Kids in Hall<\/em>, wherein a group of males sit inside a men\u2019s public bathroom and hold a meeting, a support group to make sure they are not giving in to the \u201ctyranny of our bladders.\u201d The leader of the group has each member discuss how the week was for them, i.e., did they cave and actually pee? Each one slowly admits that he gave in to his \u201cdemons,\u201d including one guy who claims that when, after a night of drinking, he found himself passed out in a puddle of urine, that it may not be his, his theory being that \u201csome guy, you know, broke into my trailer, squirreled his way in through the window, went all over me, and left.\u201d If there was ever a more apt analogy for attending an ex-gay meeting, I\u2019m not sure what it is.<\/p>\n

\"ex<\/a>Recently, under the guise of a man struggling with \u201csame sex attraction,\u201d I went undercover to try to figure out how this seemingly ridiculous process works. Sure, I\u2019ve heard about the process of reorientation before (where men and, less often, women, try to convince themselves that their homosexuality is wrong, and they will try to repress their feelings and change which sex they are attracted to in order to honor \u201cthe Lord\u201d). From what I understood, they would read stories, and hear some personal accounts. But I\u2019d never actually seen how it worked, and I was curious to learn \u2014 if one were not already indoctrinated into the hardcore Christian world \u2014 how it might appear to an outsider.<\/p>\n

You might imagine that anyone attending these meetings is probably a gullible sap, likely to believe anything that people supposedly preaching the \u201cword of God\u201d might say. And you might also assume that, upon entering said meeting, you would be assaulted with a mix of heavy prayer and hellfire guilt trips. Unfortunately, it is far more insidious than that.<\/p>\n

\"exgayhaggard\"<\/a>It\u2019s more like The O\u2019Reilly Factor<\/em>. Like leaving the show running in the background, and occasionally perking up to hear a sentence or two when Bill starts yelling at something or someone. Without listening to the words and the context, the smarmy , overbearing style could be theoretically overwhelming, and get you chanting along with the talking points. Unfortunately, all anyone with a modicum of focus or intelligence has to do is listen to about five minutes of it before realizing, \u201cwow, this is completely condescending fearmongering and the only kind of logic being used here is circular.\u201d<\/p>\n

In The O\u2019Reilly Factor<\/em>, even Bill doesn\u2019t believe what he\u2019s saying. He\u2019ll admit to being just an entertainer. But to those who cling to every one of his theories without actually thinking about it, they go right along with whatever he and his writers dream up. This is virtually a facsimile of what occurs at an ex-gay meeting.<\/p>\n

\"Cool+Lesbians\"<\/a>When I arrived, I expected a small group; which would thereby be easier for its leader to influence and convert their fear into self-loathing. However, there were about 60 people there, and right before the opening lecture, there was calm conversation among the leaders and their parishioners, jovial joking and a very relaxed tone. The crowd was mostly 40 and above, though there were a handful of younger folks. The older men were generally unattractive, clearly this inner-hatred thing isn\u2019t good for your skin. The younger men were average looking, ranging from trendy yuppie to buff model types. Everyone there was white. There were pamphlets, books, and large binders available for sale on the way in, which would help you follow along with the lecture, ranging in price from $2-$25. The course was organized to occur, weekly, over a several year period, covering various subjects, which would never be repeated.<\/p>\n

The subject that week was abuse, and the speaker, one of the leaders of the group (but never proclaimed that he was a pastor), was a heavyset man who had the tone and looks of writer\/director\/Silent Bob\/slacker hero Kevin Smith, minus the constant profanity but maintaining the self-deprecation.<\/p>\n

\"godsaysno\"<\/a>Behind him were two, clearly expensive widescreen projection TVs, spaced out so everyone could see his slick Powerpoint presentation. One of the first things he said was, that in that audience, 2\/3 of us had been abused when we were children. Now he never said sexually, but the coding resembled the way a \u201cleaked\u201d White House press release might suggest Valerie Plame is a CIA agent, without actually uttering the words. In true Fox News fashion, he followed up that statement by qualifying it, so it was just a suggestion, and couched in careful passive language, \u201cmost of you would say you were abused; not all, mind you.\u201d<\/p>\n

He knew what we would take from what was he saying; especially because he followed that with example after example of various ways people abuse each other, whether it be emotional or not. Each explanation that followed was curious and bizarre. But I suppose if you were already eating the Soylent Green, you wouldn\u2019t take notice.<\/p>\n