…All the Marbles

By Adam Lippe

all-the-marbles1The last film in Robert Aldrich’s storied career, this women’s wrestling “comedy” has been buried for years, only available in various edited VHS versions (a DVD is now available directly from Warner Brothers’ website). I tracked down an uncut version, obviously a bootleg and looking it. Considering the low-rent feel of the film (you won’t believe that a one-time celebrated director would slum this low for his own production company*), the visibility issues don’t get in the way, since the clichéd story gives way to plentiful nudity by the attractive stars and lots of Peter Falk mired in his role of sleazy patriarchal villain and hero/manager to our California Dolls.

Aldrich’s attempt to give the movie an epic and dramatic feel results in a nearly 2 hour film, the final wrestling sequence is a 30 minute match that actually takes up 30 minutes of screen time, and a very confused development of Falk’s character who is either a violent shyster and terrible businessman who beats up his ladies for no reason and manipulates them sexually, or their honorable [opera loving] hero and savior, only looking out for their best interests, both career-wise and morally. Any attempts at high-mindedness are completely nullified by an extended naked mud-wrestling scene and Burt Young (who had previously embarrassed himself in Aldrich’s The Choirboys) as some sort of promoter/gangster/rapist. The movie also never seems to decide whether it believes wrestling is real or fake which causes plenty of confusion especially as to why we should find most of the matches suspenseful.

all-the-marbles3While it is easy to jump on …All the Marbles for being very poorly written and directed, it is always fascinating to see a director at the back end of his career, still taking himself seriously despite being involved in complete trash unaware of his massive misogyny and script limitations. Will his reaction be boredom and disinterest (like with J. Lee Thompson) or will he believe in himself entirely and go off the deep end, not willing to listen to any outside influences who might tell him to reign it in?


*Aldrich had done much to establish himself during Hollywood in the 1950’s and 60’s, making enough money after the success of The Dirty Dozen to free himself and start up his own production company. What is odd is the movies that resulted seemed no more independent and original  than anything he made for a studio, one could easily argue even less so, including 3 films which would be fair competition for the worst of their decade (The Legend of Lylah Clare, The Choirboys, …All the Marbles), not that they aren’t entertaining, but mostly inadvertently.

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

1 comment on “…All the Marbles”

  1. This movie needs to be re-made.
    All the movies that are re-made these days are terrible. Please someone take on this project. Do it in old school fashion.

Leave a comment

Now on DVD and Blu-Ray


By Adam Lippe

Whenever there’s a genre parody or ode to a specific era of films, such as Black Dynamite’s mocking of Blaxploitation films or Quentin Tarantino’s Death Proof, the second half of Grindhouse, the danger is that the film might fall into the trap of either being condescending without any particular insight, or so faithful that it becomes the very flawed thing it is emulating.

Black Dynamite has nothing new to say about Blaxploitation films, it just does a decent job of copying what an inept [...]

Veegie Awards

Winner: BEST ONLINE FILM CRITIC, 2010 National Veegie Awards (Vegan Themed Entertainment)

Nominee: BEST NEW PRODUCT, 2011 National Veegie Awards: The Vegan Condom

Recent Comments


Featured Quote (written by me)

On Cold Fish:

Though the 16 year old me described the 1994 weepie Angie, starring Geena Davis as a Brooklyn mother raising her new baby alone, as “maudlin and melodramatic,” Roger Ebert, during his TV review, referring to the multitude of soap-operaish problems piling up on the titular character, suggested that it was only in Hollywood where Angie would get a happy ending. “If they made this movie in France, Angie would have shot herself.”

Well Cold Fish was made in Japan, where Angie would have shot herself and that would have been the happy ending.